Its Father’s day, the one Sunday I usually make it a point
to stay home.
You see I avoid men’s groups, men’s studies, men’s
conferences and the like. Why? Say you go to some large men’s conference to
learn how to be a Godly man, you miss work you spend money, you spend time away
from your family and for what? So you and 50,000 other guys in some football
stadium can be lectured to for hours and days about what rotten jerks men are,
until you feel like a creep for being of your gender. Lecture after lecture,
sermon after sermon about the need for Godly men and not one word to encourage
those men who are trying. Very little
insight on how to be Godly men just tons of guilt about not being one, I don’t
know why the Christian leadership has deemed it best to shame men into action
as fathers and husbands. You can shame a man into inaction or into a singular
action but never into greatness. Did I say greatness? You better believe it!
God has called every man to greatness, EVERY ONE, rather our individual
greatness expresses itself in a manor recognized by society is irrelevant, we
are called to an immensely important and completely unique mission. What God
has called you for Oh Man is something no other man in all creation can ever
do. The Lord never called his disciples with the words, “you suck come to me
and devote yourself to me and I will give you power to suck less” did he? No he said “I will make you fishers of men”
In other words I will use you to change the world if you
follow me. Gentlemen, if you are a selfish rotten jerk sit there and be quiet,
I’ll show you what you’re missing, the rest of you lets plunge ahead to find greatness.
It has been properly observed that masculinity begets masculinity,
so let us open the pages of scripture to find a man who will be our guide
towards the greatness to which God has appointed each of us, lets choose Joseph
husband of Mary. I love the story of Christ’s birth and we read it every
Christmas but I think within the text is a story within the story that we
should study just as religiously on Father’s Day as we do with the angels and
shepherds at Christmas. Matthew 1:18 ,19: 18 Now
the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was
espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the
Holy Ghost. 19Then
Joseph her husband, being a just man,
and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away
privily (KJV) so the first thing we learn about Joseph
is that he was a Godly man. Before he was a lover, a father a husband, or a
carpenter, at the innermost core of his being he was a man of good character. His
decision to divorce Mary quietly was not a vindictive or spiteful, remember a
Jewish betrothal was legally binding. The couple while not yet partaking of the
marriage bed was legally bound to each other and only by divorce could the
betrothal be broken. Had Joseph been vindictive he would not have went to such
lengths to spare Mary the public humiliation of bringing the accusation of
infidelity, but lets be honest Joseph did not know the story, and when a young
girl turns up pregnant and unmarried NOBODIES first thought was “maybe it’s the
Messiah!” The book of Proverbs is filled
with unwavering praise of the Godly wife. It is also replete with warnings
about a man’s unadulterated misery if he marries “the other kind of girl.” What
King Solomon never says is that there is some special thing a man can do to
change the brawling contentious wife into the treasured gem. Dr. Laura
Shllessinger has made her rule of thumb for marriage “choose wisely-treat
kindly” and she has warned many a young person that if you fail to do the
first-the second won’t work. There is a teaching making its way around that
husbands are accountable for their wives spiritual wellbeing. One minister,
fairly well known has said “if your wife ain’t happy you’re not doing it right”.
If this is spiritual truth then men had best pray the Lord doesn’t return
during that particular time each month. Honestly I am not sure where this
teaching emerges from, yes the husband is the spiritual head of the home and we
will look at great length at that awesome privilege and responsibility as we
proceed but lets not fool ourselves, ladies are free moral agents and the
husband does not control them spiritually or otherwise. The husband in many
ways is the Ezekiel’s watcher on the wall for his family, ( Ezekiel 3:17 "Son of man, I have appointed you a watchman to the house of Israel; whenever you hear a word from My mouth, warn them from Me) .
Remember that watchman’s life depended on his obedience not
on rather or not his warning was heeded. It is ironic that in a time when a man
is as likely as not to be labeled a “controlling b_ _ _ _ _ _ d” if he
expresses any opinion contrary to his wife’s desire, that we would then choose to blame him for
his wife’s lack of spiritual fulfillment. Sorry ladies, it won’t work. The
husband cannot be accountable for you if he has no control over you, and I am
reasonably certain you would not surrender that control even if you could.
Scripture offers no instrument by which the husband can discipline, punish or
otherwise compel his women to do any thing. If it were there I would say it, the eternal
Bible must never be measured against what is politically correct in a moment,
but the wives submission to the husband like the Church’s submission to Christ
is VOLUNTARY. Joseph knew that in order for a Godly man to build a Godly house
he needs a Godly woman. If she’s not a Godly woman please don’t think if you
love her enough if you try hard enough, if you pray hard enough you can change
her, only God can do that. What I’m saying is that marriage is unnatural, no I
take that back marriage is natural but the world it’s in is unnatural. Marriage
was designed by God for paradise. The physical attraction, the sexual pleasure,
the companionship, the partnership were all designed for the Garden of Eden.
For all man lost when he fell, God in his mercy allowed Adam and Eve to keep
one thing: each other. It takes both spouses to have a Godly marriage but only
one to ruin it. Joseph had every reason to believe that his Mary was not the
Godly woman he needed. Of course that’s not the end of the story.
20But when he had considered this, behold,
an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David,
do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been
conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. 21“She
will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people
from their sins.” 22Now
all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet:23“BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS
NAME IMMANUEL,”
which translated means, “GOD WITH US.”24And
Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and
took Mary as his wife, 25but
kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.
The next thing
we learn from the study of Joseph is that fathers are essential. I ask you,
“What was inadequate about Mary?” She was the handmaiden of the Lord, trusting
God in the face of the potential loss of everything, she was virtuous, she was
smart, she was articulate, and she was strong. Nothing was wrong with Mary, but
raising a child was not ever meant to be a job of one parent. To those forced
into that situation remember, if God only blessed us when we followed His
Divine will perfectly we would seldom be blessed, not to mention God’s special
promise to be “husband to he widow and father to the fatherless”. Still it is
folly and rebellion to God to deny the importance of the father. Guys do you love your wives? Of course you
do. If some guy wanted to do her harm you would defend her, if shots suddenly
rang out in this room you would instinctively throw yourself over her wouldn’t
you? Do you not want the best for your kids? Then you need to realize the importance of
your roll in the family.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24But
as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for
her, 26so
that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with
the word, 27that
He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or
wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28So
husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his own wife loves himself; 29for
no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ
also does the church,30because
we are members of His body. 31FOR
THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS
WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME
ONE FLESH. 32This
mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless,
each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the
wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
When Joseph took Mary as his wife he took on the problems,
agreed to live with the suspicion and gossip of the neighbors, in turn would
leave his home and for a time even his country for her and her child. I have no
doubt he loved the child that was not his flesh every bit as much as those who
came later that were. Guys this is your mission field and your battlefield. You
are “Dad”. Your sons learn from you what manner of man to be, your daughters
learn what manner of man to love. You won’t always get it right so don’t sweat
it, Joseph didn’t either, no one does. If you give your life your love and your
prayers to those who are dear to you the effect will be profound. Even if your
wife is in rebellion against the Lord, even if you’ve come to the Lord since
marriage and your beloved is still unsaved, even if you’ve screwed up to this
point, God will use you in ways you
cannot begin to imagine the moment you bow the knee of repentance. Read the
Bible to your family, even if you don’t understand all that well, the kids will
see you learn and grow. Pray for them, I mean really pray. Don’t know how? It’s
really complex- talk to God about
your kids and wife and listen to his Spirit as he speaks to your heart. You are
the most important man in their lives, no one can ever replace you, don’t let a
feminized education system or some “women’s lib” argument deter you. These philosophies
seek only to lead your wives and daughters to bondage and your sons to
irrelevance. You will not let that happen.
The next relevant point about Joseph is a simple one, yet
important: Joseph had a job. One of my least favorite aspects about father’s
day sermons is their inevitable quotation of “Cats in the Cradle” (Harry Chapin, 1974). I hate that song. Of all
the concepts of modern American male behavior that we could vilify it would
take some 70’s pop singer to choose work. Why not write a song about “My wife
worked two jobs ‘cause I couldn’t hold one so my son grew up to be a lazy
bum…just like me”? Men are known by their trades. Joseph was as well Matthew
13:55 the Pharisees asked” is not this the carpenter's son? is not his
mother called Mary? and his brothers, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas?” How did providing for a man’s family become
controversial? The big debate of our day is rather a mom should stay home with
her kids or not. News flash: if Dad doesn’t work mom ain’t stayin’ home. In
some cases men will put too much emphasis on the prestige of the job,
especially if they are not shown any appreciation at home, but that doesn’t
mean we shouldn’t work. Sometimes we don’t get to do things we want with our
families because we have to provide for them: that’s part of the curse of sin
but it is also part of our divine responsibility. 1 Timothy 5:8 But
if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he
hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
Personally
one important reason I go to work everyday I can is that I don’t want to be
worse than an infidel. Some men’s jobs require long absences from their family,
like soldiers for instance- what about them Mr. Chapin? Pray for your family
love them and yes provide for them Teach your sons to work and your daughters
to choose men who do. By the way I will solve the great controversy of moms and
work place jobs in about two sentences. Romans 14 23b “for
whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” If mom and dad believe in faith that her work is
God’s will then it is blessed by God until He reveals otherwise, if her job is
based on the belief that the God of all Creation is insufficient to provide for
the needs of the family without mom’s help, then that is not faith therefore it
is sin.
Lastly for now at least Joseph was leader/protector
of his family. Matthew 2:13-15 13Now when they (the Magi) had gone, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph
in a dream and said, “Get up! Take the Child and His mother and flee to Egypt,
and remain there until I tell you; for Herod is going to search for the Child
to destroy Him.” 14So Joseph got up and took the
Child and His mother while it was still night, and left for Egypt. 15He remained there until the death
of Herod. This was to fulfill what had been spoken by the
Lord through the prophet: “OUT OF EGYPT
You may note that Joseph didn’t call a family meeting didn’t
consult Mary or confab with the local rabbi, he simply obeyed. God did not send
word to Mary separately either, he spoke to her through her husband. This does
not mean a wife’s opinion is unimportant did the Angel not reveal the babies
name to both Mary and Joseph? Your wife is the single most important adviser
you will ever have. God reveals things through “feminine intuition” that are
profound and mysterious and that we just don’t see. In a non-crisis situation
we should always pray together over an important decision and allow God to
reveal his consensus to us, but in the end the husband is head of the house, he
has a crucial leadership responsibility. The wives submission is fundamentally
voluntary but it is not optional in God’s design. Women worry, “what if he’s
wrong?” Remember ladies God holds up Sarah as an example. Twice we know that
Abraham through his own weakness of flesh put her in difficult situations and
both time God protected her. You trust God pray and support your husbands and
one of two things will happen: God will lead him to make the correct choices or
he will make a mistake and God will lead your family down the right path
anyway. A little aside, we spend so much thought on what certain voices don’t
mean that we spend little time on what they actually do mean and the wives
submitting principle is among the worst examples. Gentlemen this world wants
nothing more than to abuse your wife and gobble up our kids. You are William
Wallace at Sterling Bridge France .
You battle the world, and all the forces of Hell, not to mention your own
sinful nature for the sake of those to whom you have sworn your life and
fidelity. You check on noises in the night, you intimidate your daughter’s
would be suitors at the door. You train your sons to take up the battle when you’ve
gone on to your reward. You abandon everything and flee in the middle of the
night to save your adopted son and his mother.
You are the hero of their story. You are Dad. You are
Husband. You are God’s representative to your family.
Failure is not an option, and you wouldn’t have it any other
way.
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